.Rested.

This weekend I was pretty pitiful.  I couldn't shake my fevers for long, and I had no energy to go anywhere or do anything.  I had to miss the birthday celebration of a dear friend, and I love birthdays.  All I could do though was sleep in with baby girl (unfortunately G had to work), get schoolwork done most of the day, and take leisurely breaks to play and cuddle with Dylan. 

Perhaps it was the chance to just sit, and lay, and focus on one task at a time without guilt because that's all I had energy for.  Perhaps it was getting to cozy up all weekend in G's comfy flannel shirt, sweatpants, and blankets.  Perhaps it was the several cups of hot tea.  Either way, after my last fever broke Sunday... I started feeling like my old self and ventured out for some cool fresh air. The funny thing is, sick as I was, I got more accomplished and felt more rested by this weekend than most.  It was a strangely great way to start what will prove to be another hurried week.

.Lousy.

Luckily I was able to fight this bug until the end of the work week, so now I can feel lousy from the comfort of my pajamas and couch while catching up on shows.  This would be a good opportunity to complete some school work, but the thought of exerting any energy except to make myself another hot beverage for my throat or add an extra layer to combat the chills just seems laughable. 

I just hope I don't pass this to baby girl, although this is unlikely as she has been extra snugly lately.  She must have known that cuddling is exactly what the doctor ordered.

.Practice Makes Perfect.

Sometimes, it's good for the family to all get down on the same level, and just spend time together playing and practicing.  Sometimes, all you want to be is a stay at home mama.  Life is funny because before baby, this was the last thing you could picture yourself doing.  Sometimes, when you're feeling under the weather and stressed, your husband will fix you a chocolate concoction that silents all worries for a time.  Sometimes, you want to go hibernate away from emails and phones.  Sometimes, you want to call out sick and stay in bed although you have dozens of tasks awaiting your attention. Sometimes, you think things are an utter waste of time.  Sometimes, at the end of the day you have no energy to complete the simplest house task although you know you'll regret it later.  Sometimes, feeling undervalued changes your attitude about things. 

And then, you play together on the floor, or catch up with an old friend, or get an encouraging email, or a supportive pep talk, or read the right scripture to capture the moment and celebrate over small victories and remember that this is everything you wanted and that practice makes perfect and hard work pays off and all those other cliches that are supposed to make you feel inspired when you're running on fumes.

Then you wake up, and do it all over again.  And today, you're wearing your boyfriend blazer and favorite earrings because even if you don't feel like it, you know you'll be proud of yourself for doing it all any way.

.The Air was Damp.

This weekend was full of off and on showers creating the best cozy environment.  It's still not as cold as I'd like for January, but the drizzly comfort will do for now.  I don't mind weekends where nothing sounds better than takeout every night, baby play dates, where we venture out into the rain just to get out of house in search of fun items like tea kettles, books and baby stockings, and let the candles burn for hours on end with live concerts on tv as I (try to) work furiously.  Now the chores still have to be done, and the pups are muddy, and I struggled with something as simple as leaving Dylan in the church nursery this Sunday (in my defense, this was the first time anyone but her grandparents has watched over her), but regardless we ended the weekend brimful of smiles and laughs and all those other things are just petty compared to the rest.

.Quite the Break.

I’ve taken quite the break from blogging. I meant my resolution of making an effort to digitally disconnect in favor of quality time alone and with the ones I love. It also gave me time to refresh my thoughts and reorganize my responsibilities and priorities. During this break I was busy finalizing upcoming travel plans, watching as Dylan learned how to splash in the tub, getting into the swing of classes, catching up on our new favorite show {thanks for the recommendation Morgan!}, giving baby girl extra snuggles as she is having a tough experience with growing pains, diverting crises at work, having dance parties with my little family while cooking dinners, working on my portfolio for school, and having sincere discussions with G about where we are in life and where we ought to be.

“Ought.” That word can certainly bring on feelings of pride, shame, and anxiety all at once.

This weekend I hope to stay ahead to avoid the usual catch-up that seems to consume my days and continue my never ending quest of how to balance productivity and self-care. My never ending quest to become a more worthy person for Him. At least I’m not figuring it out alone; I have a few good people in my corner.

.Any Extra Cash?

Source: prettystuff.tumblr.com via Jenny on Pinterest

G has been going on and on about this website, Kickstarter.  Have you heard of it?  It's this interesting site where you can actually fund and invest in creative projects like indie movies, novels, technology, design, and fashion inventions for as little as $1 and receive incentives based on the amount you pledge.  Invest in someone's creativity, or even initiate your own project!  In this day in age with countless resources at our disposal, we have every reason to be proactive and make our own little bit of magic.

.Resolutions.

In my experience, about 95% of life depends on your attitude.  And it's way, way too short to be anything but wholeheartedly enthusiastic.

.Laura of A Diary of Little Things and Curiosities.

Some of the resolutions I've been working on for the year?

Complain less. Bitterness eats away at the joy. Be an example of a godly woman to Dylan. Work everyday to deepen my relationship with God.  Spontaneously kiss my husband more often. Be a consistent friend. Take more family walks. Write more. I've learned through this blog that it is something I enjoy. Don't stop traveling, even though it's challenging with responsibilities.  Panic less, relax more. Work on the catastrophizer in me. Help more than I hurt. Make it a priority to digitally disconnect. I feel more that way, live more that way.  Read more for fun. Even when I'm busy. Especially to Dylan. Don't give up on my new hobby, even though knitting isn't easy. Eat better.  Enjoy quality, not convenience.  Work to live, don't live to work, and live well. Take more videos. Remember why I chose my profession and why I love it. Try not to get burned out. Live for today, but keep making plans. Continue to gain confidence in my mind and creativity.

After a year like 2011, I can only be enthusiastic and hopeful about what 2012 can bring. 

.Army Crawl.

Dylan has been fighting to get mobile for weeks.  She's got the army crawl down though, so we know it's only a matter of time until we'll be chasing baby girl.  We took this video on my iphone (using the 8 mm app) last week as we were hanging out before bedtime.  I just can't get enough of her huge smile.

.Small Talk.

Don't settle for someone who doesn't give you things to say. Forever is a long time to make small talk.

.I Wrote This For You.


 

Thanks for being the best person I could ask to spend every day with.  Forever doesn't seem that long next to you.

.The Year's Recollections.

In 2011, we began the year by officially announcing to the world that we were expecting.  We surprised my friends with the news on New Years Eve and documented everyone's reaction.  We purchased a family vehicle and named him Adler.  We got a little ice and snow and our favorite team won the BCS National Championship.  I shared a little about my brother.  I wrote our love story.  We had little dates.  I showed you some scenes from downtown.  

Much to G's surprise, we found out baby was a girl.  I started dominating.  We celebrated our 8th Valentine's Day and seven years together.  We flew to DC and watched my grandparents renew their vowels for their 50th wedding anniversary.  We had our first baby shower there with family.  The bump made its debut.  At six months pregnant, I flew to Seattle to be in one of my best friend's beautiful wedding.  I talked about my job.  We went to a botanical garden at the totally wrong time.  G turned twenty five.  We went on a babymoon to Charleston; I shared some of my favorite memories, some of my favorite meals and desserts, and some of my favorite places.  I volunteered.  

Spring came, we sat outside and had picnics, and I got bigger and bigger.  I was soon at 30 weeks and struggled to make it to the end of the semester, but had help.  My friends threw us another baby shower and we were so grateful.  As I got more and more uncomfortable in the heat, we chilled.  I started thinking about the implications of being a mama in my series of motherhood musings /1/2/3/4, wrote about dandelions, and discussed the simple joys in life.  We had our maternity shoot and fell in love with our photographers.  I wrote love notes to my husband.  We got baby girl's nursery together and unveiled the final(ish) product.  We spent warm nights outside with great friends.  We had simple Sunday afternoons and family lunches.  My lovely workmates threw me a surprise shower.  I spent hot days leading up to my due date by the water.  I stressed about starting the dissertation process.  

I turned twenty five and being nine months pregnant on my birthday, I decided to have a pool party.  I prayed about what my little girl might be like.  We tried to spend as much quality time together as possible before baby's arrival and felt a real sense of joie de vivre.  My due date came and went.  We tried our own methods to induce labor.  Then just days later, something crazy/ beautiful happened.  Dylan Grace brought so many learning experiences in her first week here.  I was writing Dylan letters in a book and sharing some of them here /1/2/3.  We left our dolce ragazza for a date night and I cried.  We spent our summer afternoons introducing our little tiny to our world.  My little blog turned one.  We had family visit from all over to meet our sweet girl, dedicated her, and I learned alot as a mama in the first thirty days.  

 I shared our scary, but beautiful birth story.  I talked about my feeding survival kit, and we had the sweetest moments  (on decks and on walks!) as a new family.  I reminisced about our engagement on our three year wedding anniversary.  We had alot of firsts, and in the fall I started my second year of doctoral school.  We went to Tennessee for Labor Day weekend,  visited family, and my alma mater.  I was pushing for the life I wanted.  We found Dylan's ticklish spot and it made my week.  I had my first girl's night post-baby and girl's night with baby.  I found the easiest thing in the world to do.  I graded baby items.  Dylan attended her first birthday party and tailgate.  

I talked about small town living and dreamed about life after graduate school.  We all went to Nashville in the fall and Dylan dressed up like Amelia Earhart for Halloween. G and D had some bonding time and I wrote about why I blog.  We went to wedding showers and gender reveal parties.  We went to Atlanta where Dylan had to learn how to share and brunched for the first time.  We celebrated Thanksgiving and I was in my happy place.  Nona came to visit from way up North.  We traveled to Florida to meet Dylan's first cousin (and my first nephew!) and she started eating like a big girl.  During the holiday Dylan met Santa, stayed up late on Christmas Eve, and tried to eat wrapping paper.  We then worked to avoid the post-holiday blues before bringing in the new year exactly how we needed.

 I don't have the right words to describe what 2011 has done to me.  It was powerful.  I will never be the same.  We will never be the same. 

Okay... I think I've found it...  

2011 will be cherished.  Yes, that's the right word.

2010.

.Newbie.

 New Years Eve. 

A night always so full of expection was far exceeded this year.  Spending the night snacking inside, sitting by the fire outside, chatting with the game on, watching the fireworks go off all night around town, in and out of sparkly heels, and a sweet baby being passed along friends' arms while fighting sleep (seemingly, she did not want to miss out on the excitement), it was just the kind of way you'd want to bring in the new year. 

P.S. Yes, I am of the sect that believes in Christmas presentation from Thanksgiving through New Years.  Today will be the annual {sad} day of  decor retirement.