April 29, 2011

.Simple Joys in Life.




Foot rubs after dinner on the deck.
Water + sun.
Puppy attention.
New magazines in the mail.
Fresh homemade sweet tea.
Baby hiccups more and more.
Safety during destructive weather.
Final semester assignments completed.
Freshly manicured nails.
Support and encouragement from others.
Toddler Easter dresses & dentist visits.
Etsy arrivals.
Royal weddings.
Weekend photo shoots.
Weekends.

April 27, 2011

.Motherhood Musings.



I’m terrified all the time. I was terrified the whole first half of the pregnancy that I would do something wrong, or that she’d get taken away from us like it heartbreakingly happens to many others. I became terrified the second half of the pregnancy of getting her here okay and what the delivery would be like. I’m terrified now of being this little girl’s mother. I’m terrified I won’t learn fast enough. That I’ll do something that can irrevocably change her in some way. I’m terrified that I’ll be too lenient, or too disciplined, or too understanding, or too harsh. I’m terrified that I’ll pour years into her growth and learning just for her to resent me later for something else unseen. I’m terrified I’ll damage her. I’m terrified of balancing everything and that the pups will get neglected, that G will get neglected, selfishly... that what makes up me will get neglected. I’m terrified that we won’t be able to provide enough, or that we’ll provide too much. I’m terrified that we’ll become nothing but chauffeurs and cease to be ourselves. I’m terrified of the unknown.

I believe that I’ve managed so far under challenges because I plan ahead. I have a planner, and then a long term to-do list, a weekly to-do list, and then a daily to-do list. I know I sound like a huge worry wart {I am a true catastrophizer in every way} but I work every day with damaged people. It’s not always families or situations that break people, sometimes it just takes a fluke of brain chemical composition, an unseen perfect storm of circumstances, for it to come crashing down. What if she gets sick? What if I've passed my family’s cancer gene to her? What if something happens to me and I have to leave her and G to fend for themselves? What if something happens to G and I have to do this alone? What if someone hurts her, how do I teach her to be strong when all I’ll want to do is hurt them myself? I’ve spent nearly a decade academically studying human behavior so I’m aware of the importance of having just enough boundaries in parenting, just enough love, just enough understanding, just enough teaching, just enough consequences, just enough encouragement, just enough letting people fall. How much is just enough?

I’ve shared some of these feelings of panic with a few and they’ve had similar statements of encouragement. Cole from the aptly titled blog Pacing the Panic Room summarized the wisdom that I still lack, but others already possess as I’m learning in this process. She wrote, “Trust the mom you are. You are the mom your child was meant to have.” That helps bring into perspective that G and I wanted our child for quite some time. Yes, we are young… but G and I share the best of ourselves with each other and we wanted to build those qualities into a family. That’s why we work, we have our flaws but in each other we find our purest parts and that is what I know has gone into our baby girl that has come in God’s own perfect timing. So I wait for the feeling of calm reassurance to wash over and fight to focus on the here and now… not the fears of the future.

April 25, 2011

.Chill Weekend.

I didn't leave the house much this weekend.  Finals week will do that to your free time, but I'm ready to kiss my first year of doctoral school good-bye.  I did take a few study breaks, first to have an afternoon matinee date with the girls to watch Water for Elephants and enjoy a quick dessert at Chill, and second to attend church with G for Easter Sunday.  Next Wednesday, at the start of my temporary period of educational freedom, I will be indulging in a gifted and very appreciated pregnancy massage.  That's what is currently keeping me going, because it sure isn't the pursuit of additional knowledge at this point; that ended with spring fever



A sporadic collection of pictures from the chill weekend...
1. The best dessert ever with the least amount of guilt
2. Working on baby's nursery as she grows by the second
3. Attempting our last Easter family picture with 3 pups and no baby proved impossible, but I love it anyway


April 22, 2011

.Brother Birthday.


Happy 19th birthday little brother
I feel old again.

Since you're on the road to being a famous musician I thought I'd remind you where you started because one day when you're featured on Behind the Music, they'll post these adorable pictures of you.  Remember that I love you always... even when you drive me crazy... and that I'm always in your corner... even when I'm tough on you... it's only because I expect no less than incredible things from you.  God had his own perfect intentions when creating you and I cannot wait to be on the front row applauding whatever unbelievable accomplishment it turns out to be.

April 21, 2011

.Celebración Para El Bebé.


Talk about surreal, our final baby shower which only furthers the fact that we're in the homestretch.  This whole process G and I couldn't ask for more thoughtfulness from those around us, family and friends.  I've been reflecting alot lately on parenting and expectations I have of us as parents.  Buying things we think we need for baby is much less overwhelming, but the gentle mixture of anxiety, excitement, and irrationality can't always be tamed.  So I revel in the times of celebration and the giddy anticipation of what's to come.  Because seriously, who could help but smile when looking at the adorable block cake that Mary made, or precious swaddle blankets and diapers, or G and I looking at each other cluelessly when asked a "parenting" question, or my sweetheart holding a tiny outfit our first child will soon wear?

April 19, 2011

.Brisk Evening.



That's about right when it comes to an evening with my friends.
Also, using baby's future best friend Lily as a dress-up doll is the best.
Not everything has to change.
Especially laughing until you cry and can't breathe.
That never needs to change.

* 31 1/2 weeks

April 18, 2011

.Gratitude.



We had a wonderful weekend and Sunday was our baby shower thrown by great friends.  I cannot express enough, the appreciation to Ashley T., Mary, and Ashley D. for all their time and effort spent into making such a celebration for baby girl.  They say it takes a village to raise a child and she is already blessed with many "aunts."  I'll share pictures from our lovely afternoon in the coming week, but spending last night organizing her room with G and strategizing for the next few months was equally overwhelming and gratifying.  Now to start on the many thank-you cards necessary this week, courtesy of Dodeline Design.

April 15, 2011

.What A Winning Week.

This week has brought several smiles to my face. 




We got to start it off right this weekend with a dinner and coffee date night and trips to the river.  River season always consists of sun-kissed skin, fishing, food from the grill and getting to actually read for fun.  I became completely entranced by this book series and devoted all my spare time (and even some of my precious time) to finishing it. With school there is little time I can read for fun so I don't take the escape for granted.  Speaking of education, I also found out this week that my and Virginia's manuscript on technology's influence on grief counseling has been accepted for presentation at a conference!  This is a great start to building our professional reputations.  I experienced a thoughtful gesture thanks to my coworker Sara who not only got me the cup I've been searching for, but even had it personalized; I've been determined to keep hydrated to avoid the dreaded pregnancy puffiness and cankles!  I won my first giveaway and will soon have a new beautiful piece of art for our home {thanks Nicole and Sarah!}. We've nearly finished putting the nursery together (reveal post coming soon).  We're having a baby shower on Sunday thrown by dear friends.  Schoolwork is slowly coming to an end and freedom is close enough to taste.  

Here's to additional smiles, appreciating blessings, and spreading this week's happinesses and delights.

April 13, 2011

.30 Weeks.



Excuse the face of utter exhaustion.  Last Wednesday, G insisted on documenting this milestone after a long day of work and classes.  I know I'll be so grateful for his tenacity once it's all said and done, but some days growing a human sure can take it out of you.  I'm glad that everything is winding down and I'll have a brief hiatus from my studies to devote total attention to preparing for baby when she really starts fighting for space though. 

April 11, 2011

.Stay Awhile.


Warm, breezy weather please stay awhile. 
You make everything else much more tolerable.
Except hours of school work.
Spring fever has struck, hard.
Being stuck inside with assignments is just salt in the wound.
There's no fixing that except summer break.
3 more weeks.


April 8, 2011

.Hair Nation.

As the temperatures continue to rise, the necessity to keep fresh also heightens.  I'm a simple girl when it comes to my hair; I can't keep up with the demand of highlights and colorings, my still-college student mindset prohibits me from splurging on hair products, and I barely remember to get routine haircuts {I literally cannot recall the last time I got a trim, but I feel like there was an abundance of graduations around that time?}.  All this to say that I've embraced the next several styles as quick ways to make my daily look more interesting, while still maintaining a level of professionalism that my girly Blair Waldorf headbands don't always achieve.  I've donned all these updos at the office and I will say that the tutorials are not only uncomplicated, but the end result simultaneously makes you feel chic and refreshed.  Just in time for a carefree weekend.



April 7, 2011

.Perfect Picnic.

I don't have a plan.  I just want to sit in the sun, listen to Adele and the Avett Brothers, scheme for the future, and picnic with you all spring.



. Inspired by this.
. 29 1/2 weeks

April 5, 2011

.Grill.


G and I had our first grill-out of the season this weekend.  Although I love Fall and the holidays, this time of year tends to bring out our dormant playfulness the way only warm weather can.  Baby Lily joined in on the fun and after much grub, we all settled on the deck in the cool night and enjoyed discussing the mysteries of our still-newly embarked upon adult world.  It's funny how every obligation and challenge seems more bearable and slightly more entertaining when shared with friends.


April 4, 2011

.Spring Haze.



Winding down another semester {a month left to be exact}.
Making time to enjoy the warming temperatures.
3rd trimester= 7 months= 29 weeks pregnant.
Feeling the need to get baby + mama some movement.
The pups enjoy the exercise too.
I hope baby girl has her daddy's dimples.
I love the spring.