.It's official!

When I am feeling snarky, I can now ask people to call me "Dr. Tyler."

Or when making reservations obviously.

Just don't get all 'medical emergency' on me.

Because then I'm pretty much useless and you will want to seek an actual doctor.

But major things related to counseling, human behavior, and studying for the majority of your young adult life, and I'm your girl.

But really, congratulations to us.

I couldn't have done it without you girls.

I'll be honest, 

G, you were sort of a distraction through this whole process.

But thanks to you too,

for feigning interest in topics you clearly could care less about.

And for letting me try my counseling techniques on you.  :)

Now what to do with all of our spare time?

P.S. A few [now] funny reads through the doctoral process: One of us, Ad Fin, unplugging, and our first semester.

.On the unknown.

I've talked before about my control issues.  I have always had a life plan.  A plan for my career, and a plan for my personal life.  And so far, life has fallen in line with that plan.  I know this is not all from my own accord, but I have spent a great deal of effort following the plan.

Well as of last Tuesday after my dissertation defense, my committee stated, "Congrats Dr. Tyler," and I realized that the plan was done.  And now, I'm faced with the unknown.  Getting my doctorate by 27 was it.  It always seemed so far; I never thought about the after.

So, what now?  What do I want the rest of my life to look like?  What are my goals for the next several decades?  What is important for me to spend my time doing?  Of course, focusing on my young family is a top priority.  And sure, there is the work that accompanies this degree.  But what about the rest of my identity in the coming years?  I was good at being a student, on pushing forward;  I fear stagnation and how it makes me feel.

But as I prepare for this new season, I'm looking forward to discovering a sense of calm in the stillness.

The fulfillment of living in the present, instead of moving from deadline to deadline.

What kind of hobbies will I take up?  What kind of activities will I enjoy?  G has only known me as an academic, and even he has questioned the person I will be now that it's over.

I am so excited to uncover this next mystery.  Because so far, life has been very calculated and designed. 

This start of something new is exhilarating.

P.S. Taken this weekend at 34 weeks.

.Life.

So essentially my days have been looking something like: wake, work-work-work manically on the dissertation, break for family time, work-work-work panically, maybe a tiny break to spend time with G, work-work-work resentfully, then sleep and do-over the next day.  I have my job and a class to teach also somewhere in there too.  But when it's play time, I do try to put all my energy and focus into that because I'll never get this time back with these two even after graduation.  

Dylan's toddler-energy knows no bounds lately, and being nearly 8 months pregnant at this point, my body struggles to keep up.  But Dylan has also been more demanding of mama's time recently, refusing to nap or sleep on her own until I sit down for a minute and just hold her.  And although I feel frenzy because of the tight deadlines the next several weeks bring, I'm also grateful that this little girl knows when enough is enough and that I just need to stop and be with her.  Because no matter the degrees or career I end up having, I know I want these two (soon-to-be three) still with me along the way, self-assured in their significance in my life.

But thankfully, the end does seem to be near.  The entire body of work will get submitted today and goes to several for approval, and then, the defense.  After, I get to go back to focusing on being intentional with this life, instead of persevering these current days.  And despite the stress I feel, I have several people close in my life who are battling much more trying days, and I have to laugh at myself for the absurdity of my complaints.

Life.

What an opportunity and a challenge.

.Recent things.

A mixture of celebrations, enjoying (cool) days at the park, drinking in the sunshine and the taste of Spring at the yogurt shoppe, hours of (dull) data analysis and long evenings spent with SPSS, social outings, and lining up odds and ends for littlest baby girl.  

I know it's a terrible practice to rush precious time, but this summer will be so welcome.  The time when the days are long, and we're sticky with river water and sun, the first time ever that I'll be able to focus entirely on my little family and be done with draining deadlines, research, and other various academic obligations.  

So until then, we'll stay as we are and savor this season because it too, is good.

P.S. That coke was not Dylan's, herego the distressed look on her face because I was ignoring her requests to open her father's sugary goodness.

Day 1- Is it too early to cry?

Introducing the dissertation depression series...

Data analysis day 1- Is it too early to cry?  

Because I think that might make me feel better.  In the first few hours of sitting down with this raw data (after much procrastination), I've already used three lifelines- my finance-minded husband, an intelligent member of my cohort, and a brilliantly respected committee member.

Still, nothing makes sense.  I'm pretty sure I took all those research and stats classes that are supposed to be an aid in this process.

This new series probably should have started about a year and a half ago when this process began.  I think I've been in a constant loop of most the stages of grief: the denial, bargaining, anger, and depression.  Now I'm learning to accept it.  

Baptism by fire my friends.

Picture source: matchbookmag.tumblr.com via Jessica on Pinterest

.I need your help!!

I need your opinions about social networking, and I know there are plenty!

If you are between the ages of 19-33, please take the survey below for my dissertation research on social networking's influence on users' psychological and social wellbeing.

Feel welcome to share this with others as well. 

https://auburn.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_b3GD6dB0Fg4lLi4

Thank you!!

P.S. This picture is unrelated.  Just wanted to share as well :)

.I Like Learning.

Hope you all are having a wonderful week.

I'll be busy with dissertation revisions on top of everything else for the next few weeks (I'm proposing to my committee on October 30th- ahhh!!!), so it may be a bit quiet, but I'll be around here and there!

Source: piccsy.com via Jessica on Pinterest

.When She Wakes.

I read this article recently, and wondered how I can start my day differently to make it more manageable and successful.  I've talked about how I spend my mornings before here and here, but what else could I do to have some time for myself to start the day with a more calm demeanor and a better attitude?

Last week, I started simple.  I read the paper and enjoyed a cup of coffee in bed for a half hour before dashing to get ready for the day.  It wouldn't seem like this should make any difference, but it did.  Waking up a bit earlier meant I got to see Garrett and put on a pot of coffee for both of us before he left.  So already, his day may have started a little brighter.  It also gave me a few minutes to sit quiet, take some deep breaths, and really wake up peacefully instead of in the normal rushed and irritating panic. 

One day last week, the bed was just too warm and cozy so I slept in, thinking it'd have no difference, and call it placebo effect or coincidence if you'd like, but I did have a much more challenging and draining time of it that day!  So I'm going to continue this new experiment of carving a little bit of quiet time for myself before the duties have to start and see how it goes.  Who knew just a few minutes of respite could have such an impact? 

Obviously the smart ones :)

P.S. Picture Source: fificheek.blogspot.com via Morgan on Pinterest

.Behind the scenes.

Some have it all together.  I am not one of those people.  I put up a level-headed front (I think I say "I don't know how, but I'll make it work" at least a dozen times a day) just to try to convince myself that I can and will do all these things on my agenda.  I also try not to complain, because a great deal of my stress is due to opportunities I should be so grateful for.

But...I just need to read! For fun!  I need to finish the three books I've started!  And go to bed before 1 am.  And shut off email capabilities to my phone because I can never enjoy what I'm doing when I'm constantly being reminded of what I should be doing.  And I want to watch documentaries in bed.  I had this one queued for days and finally made myself take time out to watch it (I recommend it!)

And... sometimes I can't breathe with the amount of thoughts and deadlines running through my head.  And I'll wake up in the most terrible mood and have to fight all day to get myself out of it.  And I dread driving into work most mornings.  Sometimes I feel so defeated in my quest to help my clients.  And I also dread taking any time off because of the crises and heaps of work and problems I'll have to come back to.  And I have a terrible attitude half the time because I am so tense, and so many things aren't fair, and I can't seem to choose to either get over this fact of life or just quit and focus on one thing, even though Garrett has told me, and advisers have told me, and family has told me, and supervisors have told me that I don't need to take on more than I can handle so I only have myself to blame.  Why am I so stubborn?  But also, why is life so easy for some?

So... this isn't one of those posts where I share tips on how to live a 'happy' or 'successful' life.  I'm still figuring that out myself and I have many many bad days where all I can do is try to remember to breathe, stop feeling sorry for myself (the nerve I have!) and keep pushing forward.  I don't share many of those bad days here though, because we all have those days, and why should I feel like my day deserves such a platform to spread my pitiful attitude?  That's why this blog is so important to me.  While I am so thankful for people who spend time reading this little corner, this blog is mostly for me.   It serves to force me to reflect and reframe my experiences from a lens that I want to be lasting.  The fun.  The sweet.  The adventure.  The gratitude in all the lessons, big and small.

P.S. Picture source: thebluepeonyblog.blogspot.com via Keri on Pinterest

.Ad Fin.

And we're getting to the end of this long road.  

Tonight I have finished my last class... ever.  Like... forever ever.  As in, get me hospitalized if I ever so much as mention any consideration to get another degree, because I've certainly had a psychotic break. 

No more tests.  No more finals.  No more papers.  No more hours of course lectures.  No more class presentations.  Not unless I'm the one assigning the work at least.

So for my last two semesters until that sweet graduation ceremony, I'll be buried with finishing my dissertation (two chapters down, three to go!), teaching, working, and keeping this active little girl as happy as possible.

Maybe I'll even fit in some of that idleness we talked about before. :)

.Am I addicted?

An interesting article to chew on for the weekend.

Am I addicted to the busyness?  Will I always feel the need to maximize on every single minute of the day?  I continue to tell myself that once I graduate, once I get licensure, once I pay my dues, life will slow down... I will slow down.  Is that true? 

"Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done."

I'll especially be reflecting on this quote from the article along with the author's ending statement, "Life is too short to be busy," as I hammer out several assignments that I have been neglecting this weekend.  To be honest, idleness sounds as likely as a purple-spotted unicorn right about now, but I am determined to work on this; I just have to add it to my to-do list :)

.(Attempting) Balance.

Through reading others' experiences, I was able to see that there are many successful and functioning ways working mamas keep life together after baby.  Joanna had a great series of how mothers find a balance (a few I found especially interesting are here and here!) and I found comfort in these stories; inspiration and motivation.  I get many questions of how exactly I fit all my roles in, so I thought it might be helpful to share my attempt to balance motherhood, marriage, and career... 

To give the context, I work 32 hours a week as a therapist in an outpatient day treatment center, 8 hours a week at the attached outpatient clinic, I have an assistantship as a research assistant, and I am at the end of my doctoral studies, which I am also pursuing full-time.  "Normal" days can look very different from semester to semester, but currently this is generally what my days look like:

7- 830 am: G has already left for work by now, so this time is for Dylan and I to get our day started, coffee, play, The Today Show, getting presentable, and packing our gear needed throughout the day.

9 am- 5 pm: Dylan has been dropped off at her grandparents' and I'm (hopefully) walking into my office. My work day consists of individual, crisis, and group therapy sessions, consultations with treatment team staff for client treatment planning, staffing meetings, and general program maintenance.  I work through lunch, and am always talking to someone in some fashion nonstop.

Evening classes for me can begin anywhere from 5- 545 (G picks Dylan up on those days) which last generally about 3-4 hours depending on the semester and professor.  After the commute, that gets me home after 9 (and sometimes 10!) where I will try to spend a bit of time with G and unwind/ clean/ do homework/ answer emails/ read before bed.  Bedtime usually doesn't happen before midnight, but sometimes I make myself lay down earlier to give my body and mind a break.  Those nights, I usually still read in bed at the very least :).  At the most, I've had classes 3 times a week, but this summer I'm taking my last class ever on Monday evenings.  It feels glorious to have the rest of the week to do everything else on my list!

On the days I don't have class, I pick up Dylan at 530 as I get off much earlier than G (such a hard worker!), and we'll usually hole ourselves up in her room and make a huge mess playing and reading.  Dylan goes to bed at 7, so depending on when Garrett gets home, we either play together as a family and catch up from the day, or put the baby to bed and start preparing dinner.  Many times we don't eat until 8 by the time we've figured out a meal plan and completed it (we're trying to get better at that!). 

9-11 pm: During this time I'm either doing schoolwork, research, brainstorming, or other obligation (i.e. boring, horrible chores), or on a good night I get to spend time on the deck with G talking and relaxing, we watch our favorite tv shows cuddled on the couch, or I catch up on my google reader and blogging.  If I do have to work during this time, even being in the same room with G is very important to me so we can still have some dialogue and proximity to each other.  The distractions may cause me to have a later night, but it's worth it to get to hear how G's day went and keep conversation.

11 pm- 12 am: G has a strict bedtime of 11, so when he goes off to bed I'll usually retire to our room as well, but spend that last hour to myself just reading, contemplating, catching up on personal stuff, doing my nails, watching tv... whatever I like! I generally get a full night's sleep (more later on our sleeping adventures with Dylan!).  If she does happen to wake, she usually goes right back to sleep, but there are nights that my sleep can be quite interrupted between her and our pups!  Luckily, I don't need much sleep to function which is good as G is very fond of his sleep routine :) 

Although chaotic, we've found a system that works for us where we all feel like we're getting what we need and want (for now).  You'll also see that because of this chaos, weekends are sacred to us.  It's our time to just be together, to not have strict schedules and obligations and commutes.  You've read the word "catch up" a few times, and yes, it always feels like I'm playing catch up.  I am never ahead.  Working to "have it all" (whatever that might look like for you) is a constant battle, but with support and determination it is possible.  Don't sell yourself short of your dreams.  My biggest challenge is remembering to take care of myself in the mix of everything, but there's always sacrifice with the important stuff. 

I hope this is helpful for anyone who feels stretched thin.  Decide what you want to do, and then just go do it!  The minor details always find a way of working themselves out somehow.  Don't get lost in the trees and forget to see the entire forest.  I might be stressed daily, but my life is also so full of fulfilling opportunities and when I want to complain, I have to sit back and think, "this is everything I've always wanted."  Now, I just have to keep doing the work to keep it.  Because it's worth it to me.

And the most beautiful thing is, I don't have to do it alone.

P.S. Thank you for all the thoughtful birthday wishes.  It was pretty special and I'm grateful for all who took the time to recognize it!

.One of Us.

Someday, the light will shine like a sun through my skin and they will say, "What have you done with your life?" & though there are many moments I think I will remember in the end, I will be proud to say, I was one of us.

.Brian Andreas.

We are in the time of our program where everyone is going their separate ways to spend our last year until graduation in internships and dissertation writing.  In this process, my dear friend Morgan and her family are moving up north next week.  Virginia and I are having a little trouble adjusting to this.

It's difficult for me to put into words, just exactly what these two ladies have done for me over the years.  They have not only supported me through the challenges of balancing being a student, worker, wife, and mother, but also through my development into the person I've become within all those capacities.  Through laughter and tears, they've seen me at my best and my worst.  We've been through weddings, pregnancies, and babies for goodness sake!  We've been through trips to Nashville, Hilton Head, and San Francisco.  We've had jokes, encouraging talks, debates, long work sessions, intense discussions, shopping trips, and much-needed interventions.  Through it all, I've found a confidence and acceptance in myself; a comfort in my own skin.

I'm so glad to have a reunion trip to Savannah to look forward to in the Fall... but it won't make me miss seeing you guys weekly, any less.

.Friday Insight.

This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find … themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. … they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.

Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? … Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”

Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe … life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.

.Relevant magazine as seen here, via here.

.It Has Been A Good Week.

We got a record player! We've been on the hunt for a while, with no luck.  My father-in-law surprised us Sunday with this old beauty that was stored away in some space or another, and how excited we were.  We've been spending the last few evenings relaxing to a few vintage records, and few new ones of our own.  Although just on loan for now, it's made itself at home already in a spot in our living room.

Our goddaughter was born Tuesday!  Isabelle Ardin decided to come four weeks early, but is doing phenomenal so far and we couldn't be more grateful.  I can already tell she is a very special little girl.

I passed my comprehensive exam!  I was sort of an anxiety-ridden lunatic in the days leading up, but I have some good people who kept me together, including my dissertation committee.  Now starts the real fun of actually writing this dissertation, but I've got a pretty good plan, and I feel great about it.  What a relief it is to have everything involving my portfolio finished and over though.

I got my bridesmaid's dress in for my best friend's wedding!  It's a beautiful blush, and I really can't wait to reunite with the girls in June.

Sleep training has been a success this week! Let's just say, mama is finally getting the sleep she's long been needing.  Everything happens when it's supposed to. 

I have been attempting meal planning for the last few weeks, and that has made for some interesting cooking experiences, but we've been feeling much better fed and less stressed in the process.

G is off this weekend and we have some fun plans in mind!  I'm giving myself the whole weekend off of being productive, and just doing whatever strikes my fancy. 

It's going to be the best.

.It's Friday.

This picture pretty much sums it all up. 

My portfolio is only an oral defense away from being erased from my memory.  Which leads to only being one class, an internship, and a tiny piece of work we like to call "a dissertation" away from forcing G to start calling me "Dr. Tyler." 

Hooray. 

It's been in the high 80's this week so we have plans to be outside as much as possible,  preparing for a long-awaited trip, and celebrating St. Patrick's Day with friends.  Have a great weekend!

.Work & Play.

I had a conference to attend in Hilton Head, so I packed up my little family and we made the road trip with my friend Virginia along for the ride.  We had the best time staying with my school mates and their families (thanks again Morgan!) just a short walk from the beach, where we spent our time in between meetings introducing the babies to the ocean, riding bikes for hours around the island, relishing in the local shops and meals, having game night at the beach house, late night talks on the porch, and watching Dylan and Gray develop a little baby friendship (or future courtship if the mamas have it their way).

The people on the island couldn't have been friendlier, or our time more at ease.  Although Dylan had her first little cold all throughout, which eventually spread to the adults, it was exactly the kind of trip you needed to happen and would very much like to do again soon.

.Practice Makes Perfect.

Sometimes, it's good for the family to all get down on the same level, and just spend time together playing and practicing.  Sometimes, all you want to be is a stay at home mama.  Life is funny because before baby, this was the last thing you could picture yourself doing.  Sometimes, when you're feeling under the weather and stressed, your husband will fix you a chocolate concoction that silents all worries for a time.  Sometimes, you want to go hibernate away from emails and phones.  Sometimes, you want to call out sick and stay in bed although you have dozens of tasks awaiting your attention. Sometimes, you think things are an utter waste of time.  Sometimes, at the end of the day you have no energy to complete the simplest house task although you know you'll regret it later.  Sometimes, feeling undervalued changes your attitude about things. 

And then, you play together on the floor, or catch up with an old friend, or get an encouraging email, or a supportive pep talk, or read the right scripture to capture the moment and celebrate over small victories and remember that this is everything you wanted and that practice makes perfect and hard work pays off and all those other cliches that are supposed to make you feel inspired when you're running on fumes.

Then you wake up, and do it all over again.  And today, you're wearing your boyfriend blazer and favorite earrings because even if you don't feel like it, you know you'll be proud of yourself for doing it all any way.