Some have it all together. I am not one of those people. I put up a level-headed front (I think I say "I don't know how, but I'll make it work" at least a dozen times a day) just to try to convince myself that I can and will do all these things on my agenda. I also try not to complain, because a great deal of my stress is due to opportunities I should be so grateful for.
But...I just need to read! For fun! I need to finish the three books I've started! And go to bed before 1 am. And shut off email capabilities to my phone because I can never enjoy what I'm doing when I'm constantly being reminded of what I should be doing. And I want to watch documentaries in bed. I had this one queued for days and finally made myself take time out to watch it (I recommend it!)
And... sometimes I can't breathe with the amount of thoughts and deadlines running through my head. And I'll wake up in the most terrible mood and have to fight all day to get myself out of it. And I dread driving into work most mornings. Sometimes I feel so defeated in my quest to help my clients. And I also dread taking any time off because of the crises and heaps of work and problems I'll have to come back to. And I have a terrible attitude half the time because I am so tense, and so many things aren't fair, and I can't seem to choose to either get over this fact of life or just quit and focus on one thing, even though Garrett has told me, and advisers have told me, and family has told me, and supervisors have told me that I don't need to take on more than I can handle so I only have myself to blame. Why am I so stubborn? But also, why is life so easy for some?
So... this isn't one of those posts where I share tips on how to live a 'happy' or 'successful' life. I'm still figuring that out myself and I have many many bad days where all I can do is try to remember to breathe, stop feeling sorry for myself (the nerve I have!) and keep pushing forward. I don't share many of those bad days here though, because we all have those days, and why should I feel like my day deserves such a platform to spread my pitiful attitude? That's why this blog is so important to me. While I am so thankful for people who spend time reading this little corner, this blog is mostly for me. It serves to force me to reflect and reframe my experiences from a lens that I want to be lasting. The fun. The sweet. The adventure. The gratitude in all the lessons, big and small.
P.S. Picture source: thebluepeonyblog.blogspot.com via Keri on Pinterest
6 comments:
Oh boy do I know how you feel. I wake up stressed about work in the middle of the night. My email is like a ball and chain sometimes. I really need to learn how to tune out the stress at least just for a few hours a day. We'll get there one day...
I want to say I know exactly how you feel, but at the same time, I feel like my level of stress and crazy busy-ness doesn't hold a candle to the amount you accomplish in a day! From reading your blog, I'm pretty convinced that you ARE superwoman and are able to do all of these AMAZING things - and ya know, sometimes superwoman is allowed to complain a little. But I'm sure that at the end of the day, all you have to do is look at that gorgeous little girl of yours and everything is alright in the world. Keep your head up! (and seriously take more time off - you will not regret it when you're 80 years old and looking back on life).
Have a great weekend!! :)
I think it's so weird how we think other people have it all together. Like I think YOU have it all together :) lol and i wish i could get things done too but they are still on my list uncrossed. You are doing a great job Jessica. even though i'm far from u and your beautiful family you can tell by pictures that your baby is so happy and you and Garrett look so in love, that's the most important thing, things on our lists can wait :) btw I love the quote @ beginning ..Thanks for the tips
@Sarah, I sure hope so! I can't even imagine being able to "unplug" for days at a time without feeling guilt or anxiety. This needs to change!!
@Anna, what great advice about looking back when I'm 80. You actually inspire me. You and your husband work hard, but you make enjoying the life you work for a priority. I love following along on your adventures that you guys will always have fond memories of! Thank you for the sweet words!
@Liz, ha I'm far from having this mess of adult life together, but I try! When I want to complain, I have to remember to look around and be so grateful for all my blessings... which I would probably take for granted without the tough times. :)
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