December 30, 2011

.You're Watching Me.

I see you watching me. Each morning, I’ll be sitting at my vanity and you’ll be playing contently and babbling with your toys. I'll be fiddling around in the kitchen while you sit in your bumbo.  I'm working on the computer as you jump around in your jumperoo.  Then I hear silence, and when I look to check on you, you’re watching me. I smile, you smile. I talk, you watch my mouth make the words. Sometimes, you’ll put your hand to my lips and feel while they move. I laugh, you laugh.

I know this is just the start.

From now on, you’ll always be watching me. Watching what I do, how I do it, why I do it, when I do it. You’ll be watching what I value, what I spend my time on, what I invest in. You’ll be watching my reaction to situations, how I behave in circumstances, the tone of my voice, the way I treat others. You’ll listen how I speak about and to people. How I describe my beliefs. If what I say matches what I do. You’ll watch if I’m consistent, or flighty. Flexible or neurotic.  You’re the ultimate form of accountability. If I mess up, you will see it, process it, remember it. This recall will come around and impact you in some way. Whether my actions affect you positively or negatively is up to me. You are a blank canvas, and through us you will learn how to love, how to be angry, how to communicate your feelings, how to relate to others. We are raising a human being, one who will one day have a bearing on the world.

Do I feel pressure? Sure.

But I also feel empowered and blessed to have this opportunity. I look forward daily to the challenge. There’s no class to learn about love and life. I'm ready to show you what I know, but not only are you learning from me... I’m learning and growing from you.

Aibileen from The Help expressed this sentiment best when she made sure to tell little Mae Mobley every day, “You is kind, you is smart, you is important.” I hope I always remember to point out your best qualities, your strengths, and remind you that no matter what you ever do, you are important to me.

{P.S. A fascinating article on How to Talk to Little Girls via A Cup of Jo}

1 comment:

sarah - dodeline design said...

The Help was such a good movie. I imagine it is a lot of pressure now that you have to truly be an example for your little girl. I know you'll be a good one though :-)