.He's More Myself Than I Am.

I was loading Easter pictures from my inlaw's memory card, and look what I found! This was taken at our rehearsal dinner, and although it's only been three years... it seems like lifetimes ago.  These two 22 year olds had no idea what they were getting themselves into, but they were in it together and it has been an amazing trip. 

I just recently rediscovered this quote on Pinterest that filled me with memories like this day...

He's more myself than I am.

Whatever our souls are made of,

his and mine are the same.

.Emily Brontë.

Beautiful.

.Happy Easter!

Who needs an Easter egg hunt when you have these two cute little girls, a blanket, and the sun?  Forget the candy and goodies; this baby's favorite part so far is chewing on the plastic eggs with her baby bestie Lily. 

The lessons of what this holiday truly means will come.  For now, she's got this and this to remember her very first Easter.

P.S. Easter last year.

.Muir Woods.

Back to our San Francisco trip...

We were lucky enough to have friends who rented an SUV during our trip so we were able to visit one of the top things on my list: seeing some Redwoods. Our experience far exceeded my expectations. Sure it was rainy and cold, and I was almost neurotic in the amount of layers I put on Dylan to cover her from the elements, but to walk and take in these trees that have been here histories ago... I got all grateful and happy that my family was able to experience things like this.

Also, we had a celebrity sighting at the organic café in the park! Marcia Cross and her family were there munching away on the locally farm-grown goods and we did our best to play it cool in order to respect her privacy. There was also no cell phone signal where we were, so that was probably for the best with the small crowd that obviously was aware of her presence. 

Aside from choosing to use our phones to capture the greenery in order to avoid the stress of caring for the camera in the rain, I had no complaints.  People say I'm high maintenance... which isn't entirely true.  Given proper preparation, I can battle the elements. I can even play sometimes too.  And I had a blast playing in these woods... 

P.S. The Golden Gate bridge

.I Have A Problem.

I have a problem of always wanting to be in control.  Not necessarily of others, that type of pressure tends to give me anxiety, but more control over my own world.  I am the strictest rule keeper of myself, and if I happen to break one of my rules, I'm the harshest disciplinarian.  I beat myself to a pulp.  It's just the way it is, but I am working on it. 

When G and I decided to start a family, it came as a hard experience to learn that making babies was not in my control.  I was not in control of my body.  I was not in control.  The increasing anxiety and decreasing mood as we waited months on end for good news boiled down to that fact, "I am not in control."  This is one of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn.

When months passed by and we received word after word of friends we love who were expecting, it became harder and harder to bear internally.  I know, I am young and this happens, but when I've worked my entire life to have such control and discipline to get where I want, this was new... frightening... devastating for me.  G tried to be so positive, that our time would come, and it's easier for me to speak of this challenge now that Dylan is quickly broaching her first birthday.  But I think this message is important for someone else to read. 

Don't be so hard on yourself when you're not the one in control. 

I read this post a few weeks past that had me in tears, going back to the days that I used to cry every time I heard of a new person being pregnant.  I know it's selfish.  I know that others struggle far harder, for far longer.  This knowledge still didn't make our experience any easier while in the trenches for nearly a year. This post spoke to me most when I read the words, "I feverishly prayed for God to buy into my plans."  This sentence hit me in the gut.  I prayed like mad during that time, but I realize later that what I was really doing was pleading my case.  Although I thought otherwise, I was not fully trusting God.  I just wasn't.  I wanted the control and couldn't cope when that control wasn't delivered on a silver platter. 

This is still something I struggle with, this fight for control, but you know what?  When the resolution comes, it makes it that much more powerful to know that it wasn't all my doing.  That little ole me doesn't have that kind of an effect on the world; that I don't always have to lean on my own understanding. That I am sincere in every happiness I share here about Dylan and G because she is not just something we worked for, or something that came easy.  Dylan is love, learning, understanding, fear, honor, blood, sweat, and tears.  And it's in this that one of my biggest life's failures can be to take any of this for granted. 

.Golden Gate.

Golden Gate is one of those places that one just has to see before they die. It’s a cultural icon. I could recognize that bridge before I even knew my own full address thanks to Full House. We were able to go there twice during our trip; once on a sunny, windy day and we walked halfway across (it is very long after all), and the day after when it was wet and dreary.

Both experiences took my breath away, and I found the sight such a calming place aside from the chaos all around it. The area is full of speeding cars, cyclists, runners, boats, ferries, dolphins, people… yet if you get a moment on that bridge, a place to just stand for a second without being run over or pushed aside in the crowd… you can really take in the beauty of the bay. You get what all the fuss is about. From the bridge, the city seems so small and minor. It is this monstrosity that connects two worlds from the rapid metropolis, to the quiet and organic living of the Muir Woods (more on that later!).

There aren’t many places I’ve found that are so overwhelming and awe-inspiring that it almost requires that you stop and take some time to reflect. G and I decided that it is definitely our favorite bridge.

 

.This Is What Makes Me Happy.

Successful work weeks and fun weekend plans, spring flowers, and bare feet, a winding down semester, and girl's evenings full of enlightening and encouraging talk, planning a special  first birthday party, conversations from across the country, and Dylan's top teeth finally breaking through, returning to a comfortable routine, and coming home to a crisp and clean house, and last, but just as importantly sweet baby waves hello and goodbye.

.To Get You By.

San Francisco was such a great experience. Here are just a few instagram pictures from our trip to get you by until I get a handle on my to-do list. My username is learningloveslife if you'd like to follow along the way!

.Wanderlust.

Wanderlust is a strong desire for or impulse to wander or travel and explore the world. English word wanderlust, in the sense of "crave for travel", is Fernweh (literally meaning "an ache for distance").

We're all off again.  Cross-country flight this time.  Dylan's first.  We have high hopes, but I'll report back on the level of our traveling success.  Either way we're together, somewhere new, and going to have a rad time exploring San Francisco.  See you in a few days!

Pictures from our last trip in Hilton Head. Also, tips for traveling with a baby.

.Vintage Wears.

It makes me so happy that G's parents kept alot of items from when he and his brother were young, because I find nothing cuter than being able to have Dylan wear some of her father's vintage goodies.  It also helps me imagine what G was like as a small child; what other traits has Dylan inherited from him aside from his looks?

 I've heard the stories and seen the family videos and all, but there's something else to be said about old garments... and the countless tales that are carried with them.

.Happy Birthday G.

I would do my taxes.

Fill out insurance forms.

Count grains of rice in a bag.

Whatever made time pass the slowest with you.

.I Wrote This For You.

To my dashing husband,

No one affects me the way you do.

I'm blown away by you daily.

You complete me.

You complete us.

I'm so glad for you.

Happy 26th birthday.

25.

.It's Friday.

This picture pretty much sums it all up. 

My portfolio is only an oral defense away from being erased from my memory.  Which leads to only being one class, an internship, and a tiny piece of work we like to call "a dissertation" away from forcing G to start calling me "Dr. Tyler." 

Hooray. 

It's been in the high 80's this week so we have plans to be outside as much as possible,  preparing for a long-awaited trip, and celebrating St. Patrick's Day with friends.  Have a great weekend!

.Dylan and Theodore.

Dylan's cousin, Theodore, also visited this past weekend.  They're six months apart, but the striking similarities between the two are already evident.  Their stare-down, ever-so-serious faces are just the tip of the iceberg. 

I sense the start of mischief on our hands with this pair.

.Little Effort.

This weekend my mama came to visit from up North.  Most of our time was spent talking and eating, or talking and shopping... which suited us three just fine.  What I love about family time is that it takes little effort to entertain yourself, and yet it is that time of "nothing special" that seems to nourish your inside the most.

Also, I co-hosted a baby shower for my friend Ashley a few weekends ago.  Today I'm talking about lessons I learned for planning a baby shower at The Style Stork.  Check it out!

.Enjoy Life.

I realize that humor isn’t for everyone. It’s only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive.

.Anne Wilson Schaef.

.Mighty Busy.

We have been mighty busy in these parts.  Hopefully things will be settling down soon with the final submission of my portfolio for school, but probably not.  I've got three books I've started and have yet to be able to finish, so I'm glad to take this week-long break from classes to catch up on non-academic/ non-work life.

Dylan is becoming more and more curious, and figures things out crazy fast.  Too fast for mama and papa.  We turn away now, and flash! In a second she's onto the next room.  Teething has not been our friend, and led to a whole slew of other uncomfortable symptoms, but we're getting back to normal.  I've also been fighting sickness off and on for weeks, so a weekend full of out-of-town guests is exactly the type of thing this family's been needing.

And tomorrow!  Tomorrow I'm guiltlessly taking the day off work to have a shopping day in the city with my two favorite girls- my mama and my baby.  And you know why?  Because we absolutely deserve it.

.When You're Grown.

Dear Dylan,

When you're grown, I want you to be able to look people in the eye.  I want you to be full of wanderlust.  I want you to be courageous enough to explore.  To lose yourself in a good book.  To trust the Lord with all your heart, and be faithful in his Way.  Find music that speaks to your heart.  Love and appreciate all, but depend on no one.  Be curious, but smart.  Learn from everything around you.  Be consistent.  Help more than you hurt.  Take pictures all the time; you'll never regret it.  Find more value in experiences, not things; things waste away.  Have great regard for your rights and the rights of others, but don't waste time on emotional vampires.  Enjoy both your cultures wholeheartedly.  Know your life is full of possibilities.  Use your words wisely, because even if forgiven, they can't be taken back.  Listen to your grandparents' stories; they'll stay with you forever.  Your favorite color doesn't have to be pink.  The mean girls may make you cry, but they aren't worth any of your effort.  You don't have to do all the talking, there's power in silence and listening.  Being organized will save you stress.  Sleep on big decisions... it never hurts to take your time, but impulsive decisions can be disaster.  Don't stress in high school, it's the shortest four years of your life.  Get fresh air; it will do more for you than you can imagine.  Have empathy; life is especially hard for some.  Try your hardest not to gossip; it can be so unbecoming.  Enjoy good food and conversation by candlelight.  Remember nothing is promised, so appreciate it while it lasts.  Also, find a man like your father; someone strong, yet sensitive.  A challenge is always good, but the reward has to be worth your time.  And write, write alot because reading those words will make you smile and cry long after the experience has faded in your memory.  Remember to have some fun; life can be so serious all the time.  And always remember that no matter how mad and frustrated you get at your dad and I, we're always doing what we think is best for you.  But also know that we're only human... and that sometimes we might let you down.  Lots of people will and that will hurt.  But that's where you learn forgiveness.  Cry and pout, but not picking yourself up off the floor after a hard fall is never an option.  When you're grown Dylan, I want you to live well... with confidence in your steps and warm, quality people in your corner.  So I'll know you'll be okay.

I love you always,

your mama

.Work & Play.

I had a conference to attend in Hilton Head, so I packed up my little family and we made the road trip with my friend Virginia along for the ride.  We had the best time staying with my school mates and their families (thanks again Morgan!) just a short walk from the beach, where we spent our time in between meetings introducing the babies to the ocean, riding bikes for hours around the island, relishing in the local shops and meals, having game night at the beach house, late night talks on the porch, and watching Dylan and Gray develop a little baby friendship (or future courtship if the mamas have it their way).

The people on the island couldn't have been friendlier, or our time more at ease.  Although Dylan had her first little cold all throughout, which eventually spread to the adults, it was exactly the kind of trip you needed to happen and would very much like to do again soon.