.While I'm Away.

This is the kind of stuff I miss while away at work and class. Free, unstructured, and simple play... with what always seems like a hint of potential disaster around the corner. Garrett's casual, albeit relieved, line at the end is my favorite.

P.S. Another G and D day.

.A Courageous Heart.

Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.

Heart: one's innermost character, feelings, or inclinations; the emotional or moral as distinguished from the intellectual nature.

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My sweet girl,

A little courage, and alot of heart will take you far places. Just don't leave your brain behind in the journey. That's the easy one to forget, and often the most crucial. But it's okay to lead with your heart sometimes and persevere through the fear.

Oh yes, and don't forget curiosity! That is what will always keep you learning.

I love you always,

Your mama

.When She Wakes.

I read this article recently, and wondered how I can start my day differently to make it more manageable and successful.  I've talked about how I spend my mornings before here and here, but what else could I do to have some time for myself to start the day with a more calm demeanor and a better attitude?

Last week, I started simple.  I read the paper and enjoyed a cup of coffee in bed for a half hour before dashing to get ready for the day.  It wouldn't seem like this should make any difference, but it did.  Waking up a bit earlier meant I got to see Garrett and put on a pot of coffee for both of us before he left.  So already, his day may have started a little brighter.  It also gave me a few minutes to sit quiet, take some deep breaths, and really wake up peacefully instead of in the normal rushed and irritating panic. 

One day last week, the bed was just too warm and cozy so I slept in, thinking it'd have no difference, and call it placebo effect or coincidence if you'd like, but I did have a much more challenging and draining time of it that day!  So I'm going to continue this new experiment of carving a little bit of quiet time for myself before the duties have to start and see how it goes.  Who knew just a few minutes of respite could have such an impact? 

Obviously the smart ones :)

P.S. Picture Source: fificheek.blogspot.com via Morgan on Pinterest

.Behind the scenes.

Some have it all together.  I am not one of those people.  I put up a level-headed front (I think I say "I don't know how, but I'll make it work" at least a dozen times a day) just to try to convince myself that I can and will do all these things on my agenda.  I also try not to complain, because a great deal of my stress is due to opportunities I should be so grateful for.

But...I just need to read! For fun!  I need to finish the three books I've started!  And go to bed before 1 am.  And shut off email capabilities to my phone because I can never enjoy what I'm doing when I'm constantly being reminded of what I should be doing.  And I want to watch documentaries in bed.  I had this one queued for days and finally made myself take time out to watch it (I recommend it!)

And... sometimes I can't breathe with the amount of thoughts and deadlines running through my head.  And I'll wake up in the most terrible mood and have to fight all day to get myself out of it.  And I dread driving into work most mornings.  Sometimes I feel so defeated in my quest to help my clients.  And I also dread taking any time off because of the crises and heaps of work and problems I'll have to come back to.  And I have a terrible attitude half the time because I am so tense, and so many things aren't fair, and I can't seem to choose to either get over this fact of life or just quit and focus on one thing, even though Garrett has told me, and advisers have told me, and family has told me, and supervisors have told me that I don't need to take on more than I can handle so I only have myself to blame.  Why am I so stubborn?  But also, why is life so easy for some?

So... this isn't one of those posts where I share tips on how to live a 'happy' or 'successful' life.  I'm still figuring that out myself and I have many many bad days where all I can do is try to remember to breathe, stop feeling sorry for myself (the nerve I have!) and keep pushing forward.  I don't share many of those bad days here though, because we all have those days, and why should I feel like my day deserves such a platform to spread my pitiful attitude?  That's why this blog is so important to me.  While I am so thankful for people who spend time reading this little corner, this blog is mostly for me.   It serves to force me to reflect and reframe my experiences from a lens that I want to be lasting.  The fun.  The sweet.  The adventure.  The gratitude in all the lessons, big and small.

P.S. Picture source: thebluepeonyblog.blogspot.com via Keri on Pinterest

.We don't do this enough.

To celebrate our four year anniversary, we planned a quick trip to the Emerald Coast, and it did not disappoint.  We're not the spontaneous kind; we like to plan our "fun" way in advance, but this weekend reinforced that maybe we can cut ourselves a little break when the mood strikes.

Dylan did not love the beach nearly as much as she did the first time, but luckily some of our beach-seasoned parent friends gave us some helpful tips.  My friend, Megan, strongly suggested bringing a small, inflatable pool to entertain baby and keep her cool, and boy were we grateful.  What a simple but brilliant idea!  Dylan was much happier viewing the beach than being any direct part of it, and that allowed G and I to loosen up and enjoy the surroundings.

We definitely don't do that enough.

.The History of Love.

You asked me to prom.

You took me on dates.
You asked me to be your girlfriend.
You told me you loved me.
You told me you would try this long distance.
You told me you were proud of me.
You spent hours on the phone.
You drove hundreds of miles.
You told me you missed me.
You planned your future with me.
You asked me to marry you.
You made me a wife.
You searched endlessly for our first house.
You bought us a perfect home.
You loved my family.
You took adventures with me.
You grew to crave travel too.
You sought advice from me.
You taught me.
You bought me flowers, even when I told you not to.
You acted ridiculous with me because it was fun.
You told me to follow my life vision.
You assured me over and over and over, that I could do it.
You held my hand when I got nervous.
You let me be me.
You told me you were ready for a baby.
You were my shoulder to cry on when it wouldn't happen.
You've held me close when I break down.
You entertained every wacky idea I've ever had.
You read with me.
You let me win, dozens of time.
You learned to understand that I will never be a cook.
You were patient as you watched me grow up.
You laughed with me when I needed it most.
You managed my crazy.
You danced with me.
You were always on my team.
You never wanted me to feel alone.
You made me assertive.
You kept me tough.
You let me be sensitive too.
You sang with me.
You made me a mama.
You held me accountable.
You made me a better friend.
You made me a better person.

You.
Happy four years of marriage sweetheart.
And more, and many many more.

P.S. Title of this post from one of my favorite books.
P.P.S. Our past anniversaries: year 2 / year 3