.On why everyone needs an intern.

image found here.

Everyone needs an intern.  And I don't mean like the intern who gets you coffee and does the menial work you don't want to do; I mean a trainee who is working (many times for free) to learn your trade. I've had a few years' experience with interns (being one myself not so long ago), but this year I've actually been in charge of supervising them, and it's been an unexpected learning experience.

I think the key is having a good intern, but not always necessary.  A bad intern will force you to realize what's professionally important to you and not, and develop your assertive leadership skills.  A good intern asks questions that really make you think.  Interns come in with fresh, eager eyes, and without the hardened exterior that years on the frontline will do to you.  Interns come with ideas and passion that regular students don't quite yet possess, as they're just so ready to get their hands dirty.  Interns inquire about all kinds of things you haven't thought about in awhile, and ask for justification and rationale.  They just want to understand it all.  

It's given me a whole new excitement for my job.  It's helped to rejuvenate me and remember why I started.  It's forced me to sit and consider the why and how of it all instead of just the do.  It's rattled the sense of security and complacency in the best way possible.  It's accountability in the day-to-day; in your trade, in your conduct and professionalism, in your influence and management.

So no matter what you do for a living, the environment in which you work, corporate or at home, professional or parent, I think everyone needs an intern.  That junior voice that objectively examines and challenges, and helps you remember that the books and the trainings aren't what develop you, but the hustle.  It's in the hustle where we find success and fulfillment, and I have dutiful interns to thank for reminding me of that.

.On working in mental health...

Time heals all wounds.  And if it doesn't, you name them something other than wounds and agree to let them stay. 

.Emma Forrest in her memoir.

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After the horrific tragedy in Newtown, there's been passionate discussion about what went wrong, what factors were most at fault, and what can be done to help prevent such a violent event in the future.  Everyone seems to be hurting together for these families.

Part of that debate is the long-standing challenges in mental health.  Working in community mental health, I see so many of these issues first-hand.  Daily, it's a struggle not to drown in the psychological and emotional needs of people in crisis, especially with such limited resources currently available in the mental health field.

As an intake counselor, it's a weary load to be responsible for initially assessing clients and determining an appropriate treatment plan within 50 minute appointments.  Take into account the amount of people served on a daily basis in community agency settings where insurance is few and far between and finances are an enormous obstacle (i.e. to afford therapeutic services or the astronomical costs of psychotropic medication), and it's just a small picture of some of the challenges faced by those on the front line.  Also throw in the amount of time spent shuffling through clients who may be malingering, whether to fraudulently obtain disability benefits, or for some other secondary gain.  Also add to this the follow-up necessary to actually maintain a level of stability in these client caseloads, with little pay, high stress, and high staff turnover... and it's no wonder burnout is so rampant in this field.  It's easy to become desensitized and demoralized when working in mental health, but at what cost?  The liability is high, and the rate of relapse higher.  There are so many obstacles on both ends of client and clinician to link people to the mental health services they need, and even more challenging when it's not what clients want or feel is necessary.  It is never easy to have to commit someone involuntarily, nor having to help guide families through such personal challenges.  And unfortunately, many times help comes as a reaction to an event, when prevention would be much more successful.

In my opinion personal support is vital, but prevention and early detection is key.  Availability of resources.  Knowledge of treatment options.  Reduction of stigma. Empowerment of clients and their families.  Advocating for self and the people you love.  And not just listening to people in need, but actually watching and noticing their behaviors too.  It's easier to ignore or push aside slight, worrisome comments with "it will get better" or "you just need to move forward," but until there is systematic change, we will continue to flounder to keep people well in a challenging world.

It. is. just. all. so. frustrating. and. sad.  I've always been dedicated to the cause, but this great suffering has reawakened my fire and the small part I may be able to play in the struggle.

P.S. To better understand severe mental illness from those who have lived it, I recommend reading Your Voice in My Head and An Unquiet Mind.  Also, this TED Talk is a haunting account of living with Schizophrenia, and this TED Talk helps to build understanding on hearing voices and living with the impact of trauma.

P.P.S. To hear another opinion about coping with the challenges of mental illness as a family member, please read this article.

.Am I addicted?

An interesting article to chew on for the weekend.

Am I addicted to the busyness?  Will I always feel the need to maximize on every single minute of the day?  I continue to tell myself that once I graduate, once I get licensure, once I pay my dues, life will slow down... I will slow down.  Is that true? 

"Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done."

I'll especially be reflecting on this quote from the article along with the author's ending statement, "Life is too short to be busy," as I hammer out several assignments that I have been neglecting this weekend.  To be honest, idleness sounds as likely as a purple-spotted unicorn right about now, but I am determined to work on this; I just have to add it to my to-do list :)

.(Attempting) Balance.

Through reading others' experiences, I was able to see that there are many successful and functioning ways working mamas keep life together after baby.  Joanna had a great series of how mothers find a balance (a few I found especially interesting are here and here!) and I found comfort in these stories; inspiration and motivation.  I get many questions of how exactly I fit all my roles in, so I thought it might be helpful to share my attempt to balance motherhood, marriage, and career... 

To give the context, I work 32 hours a week as a therapist in an outpatient day treatment center, 8 hours a week at the attached outpatient clinic, I have an assistantship as a research assistant, and I am at the end of my doctoral studies, which I am also pursuing full-time.  "Normal" days can look very different from semester to semester, but currently this is generally what my days look like:

7- 830 am: G has already left for work by now, so this time is for Dylan and I to get our day started, coffee, play, The Today Show, getting presentable, and packing our gear needed throughout the day.

9 am- 5 pm: Dylan has been dropped off at her grandparents' and I'm (hopefully) walking into my office. My work day consists of individual, crisis, and group therapy sessions, consultations with treatment team staff for client treatment planning, staffing meetings, and general program maintenance.  I work through lunch, and am always talking to someone in some fashion nonstop.

Evening classes for me can begin anywhere from 5- 545 (G picks Dylan up on those days) which last generally about 3-4 hours depending on the semester and professor.  After the commute, that gets me home after 9 (and sometimes 10!) where I will try to spend a bit of time with G and unwind/ clean/ do homework/ answer emails/ read before bed.  Bedtime usually doesn't happen before midnight, but sometimes I make myself lay down earlier to give my body and mind a break.  Those nights, I usually still read in bed at the very least :).  At the most, I've had classes 3 times a week, but this summer I'm taking my last class ever on Monday evenings.  It feels glorious to have the rest of the week to do everything else on my list!

On the days I don't have class, I pick up Dylan at 530 as I get off much earlier than G (such a hard worker!), and we'll usually hole ourselves up in her room and make a huge mess playing and reading.  Dylan goes to bed at 7, so depending on when Garrett gets home, we either play together as a family and catch up from the day, or put the baby to bed and start preparing dinner.  Many times we don't eat until 8 by the time we've figured out a meal plan and completed it (we're trying to get better at that!). 

9-11 pm: During this time I'm either doing schoolwork, research, brainstorming, or other obligation (i.e. boring, horrible chores), or on a good night I get to spend time on the deck with G talking and relaxing, we watch our favorite tv shows cuddled on the couch, or I catch up on my google reader and blogging.  If I do have to work during this time, even being in the same room with G is very important to me so we can still have some dialogue and proximity to each other.  The distractions may cause me to have a later night, but it's worth it to get to hear how G's day went and keep conversation.

11 pm- 12 am: G has a strict bedtime of 11, so when he goes off to bed I'll usually retire to our room as well, but spend that last hour to myself just reading, contemplating, catching up on personal stuff, doing my nails, watching tv... whatever I like! I generally get a full night's sleep (more later on our sleeping adventures with Dylan!).  If she does happen to wake, she usually goes right back to sleep, but there are nights that my sleep can be quite interrupted between her and our pups!  Luckily, I don't need much sleep to function which is good as G is very fond of his sleep routine :) 

Although chaotic, we've found a system that works for us where we all feel like we're getting what we need and want (for now).  You'll also see that because of this chaos, weekends are sacred to us.  It's our time to just be together, to not have strict schedules and obligations and commutes.  You've read the word "catch up" a few times, and yes, it always feels like I'm playing catch up.  I am never ahead.  Working to "have it all" (whatever that might look like for you) is a constant battle, but with support and determination it is possible.  Don't sell yourself short of your dreams.  My biggest challenge is remembering to take care of myself in the mix of everything, but there's always sacrifice with the important stuff. 

I hope this is helpful for anyone who feels stretched thin.  Decide what you want to do, and then just go do it!  The minor details always find a way of working themselves out somehow.  Don't get lost in the trees and forget to see the entire forest.  I might be stressed daily, but my life is also so full of fulfilling opportunities and when I want to complain, I have to sit back and think, "this is everything I've always wanted."  Now, I just have to keep doing the work to keep it.  Because it's worth it to me.

And the most beautiful thing is, I don't have to do it alone.

P.S. Thank you for all the thoughtful birthday wishes.  It was pretty special and I'm grateful for all who took the time to recognize it!

.Quite the Break.

I’ve taken quite the break from blogging. I meant my resolution of making an effort to digitally disconnect in favor of quality time alone and with the ones I love. It also gave me time to refresh my thoughts and reorganize my responsibilities and priorities. During this break I was busy finalizing upcoming travel plans, watching as Dylan learned how to splash in the tub, getting into the swing of classes, catching up on our new favorite show {thanks for the recommendation Morgan!}, giving baby girl extra snuggles as she is having a tough experience with growing pains, diverting crises at work, having dance parties with my little family while cooking dinners, working on my portfolio for school, and having sincere discussions with G about where we are in life and where we ought to be.

“Ought.” That word can certainly bring on feelings of pride, shame, and anxiety all at once.

This weekend I hope to stay ahead to avoid the usual catch-up that seems to consume my days and continue my never ending quest of how to balance productivity and self-care. My never ending quest to become a more worthy person for Him. At least I’m not figuring it out alone; I have a few good people in my corner.

.Motherhood Musings: Humanity.

The world can be a harsh, dark place.  People can be cruel and do unimaginable things.  Actions can be so hard to rationalize and understand.  Human nature can be destructive.  In counseling, we often times hear the darkest part of people's lives.  As therapists, we're careful to compartmentalize these things in order to avoid quickly burning out... but sometimes stories you hear will just sit with you long after. 

Now as a mother, I find it even more challenging to separate the sufferings of others from our daily experiences.  I want to protect Dylan from everything painful, everything bad, everything evil.  I feel this physical tightness in my throat and chest when imagining her pure, joyful self being exposed to the blackness of life.  I want to guard her from bullying, a broken heart, hatred, death, sickness, the world's injustices.  This is the reason I had no desire to pursue being a child therapist... I want to save and protect each one and I know that's impossible. 

So when I hear these tragedies... all I know to do now is hold baby girl that much tighter all throughout the day and hope to teach her what it means to be good.  I don't want her to strive for perfection; there is growth and acquired character in shortcomings. I don't want her just following the rules.  I want to model and reinforce for her what it means to choose to be compassionate, have integrity, empathy, consideration and understanding for others, ambition, perseverance, and most of all... having faith in our God and a place that makes no sense to us now... but will later.

Read other Motherhood Musings here, here, and here.

.Recently.

Recently... I read a refreshingly honest post about finding balance as a mother, wife, and individual.  Having/ have a little one?  My friend Morgan's site is chock-full of ideas. Dylan is nearly four months old and rolling over, but she just hasn't figured out how to roll back.  She also discovered her feet and can entertain herself with them for periods on end.  We finally moved her from her infant bassinet to sleeping in her pack n play.  I'm not ready to move her into her own room quite yet.  Work was challenging... but when is it not?  Having to hospitalize someone never gets easier though.  I'm so ready for this semester to be over with... I'll never have to take this many classes at once ever again.  I've thrown a few tantrums lately... wonder how long I can blame it on the hormones?  Also, strangers telling me what I'm doing wrong with my child are not appreciated... and please don't touch my baby, person-I-don't-know, or I may have to kindly redirect you. I can't believe I'm nearly half way through this program.  G has been so helpful, allowing me to focus on my assignments so I can be in bed at a decent hour.  I'm so loving the cool weather coming in;  96 degrees is too hot for October.  We started watching a (new to us) show.  I need a haircut, bad.  G and I are implementing a new budget and we're sort of excited about it.  Oh yea, and skype dates with friends and family are the best.

We're stuck together for now Monday, so let's make the best of it shall we?

.Finally Friday.

It's finally Friday, baby girl is now 8 weeks old, and I've survived my first week back at work!  I was thrown right into the fire, but it made the week fly by and now I have two days of freedom.  All I can say is thank goodness I love what I do.  Yesterday G was off, so it was his first full day alone with Dylan.  They got along famously and sweetly brought mama lunch; I didn't even get one panicked phone call from G all day.  I may have missed out on all the fun, but nothing makes me happier than seeing the two loves of my life bond. 

.Work Baby Day.

Last Friday my lovely coworker, Sara, organized a surprise "baby day" for me.  It was totally unexpected, but much appreciated as I got to snack on sweet treats all afternoon and was given the most practical gifts from my work mates.  Sara even made an adorable and personalized basket full of goodies for baby that goes perfect in her nursery.  I am thankful that even in the most stressful of work environments, people can make it a priority to have some fun every once in awhile.

Wishing everyone a sunny and restful Memorial Day weekend!

* All work pictures provided by Sara~ thank you again friend!

.The Best Days.

Today was not a good day.
I had a client relapse after years of stability,
and it was not pretty.
Although it was not my fault,
I can't help but feel some responsibility.
I should have seen warning signs.
Luckily, we were able to get her the help she needed.
That unfortunately is not always possible.
Today it was, so it was not an awful day.
Tragic nonetheless,
sad and discouraging.
Days like today make me long for days like these.

The best days.

Let's try for it again tomorrow, shall we?

.They Deserve Better.

via

Working in social services has the ability to make you feel so small, and today it made my coworkers and I not only feel insignificant, but also discouraged in the helping system as a whole.  Within my education and training we were strongly encouraged to advocate for those who are not able to for themselves.  Today I was so proud of my colleagues for fighting for the basic human rights of someone being taken advantage of, and unfortunately for the day... the battle was lost. 

We complain about the most trivial, inconsequential things on a daily basis and spread that negativity to others.  Earlier today I was disappointed that due to our strict baby budget, I wouldn't be able to run to the store and buy a few outfits for our trip this weekend.  How incredibly petty of me... and that happens alot.  Although today was heartbreaking, frustrating, and felt hopeless... my only comfort was to know that tomorrow we {along with every other helping professional} will all return to work to continue on.  Trying.  Helping.  Encouraging.  Praying. Fighting.  For them... because they deserve better.

.Rain.

Taking a quick break from life's responsibilities to check in.  Alas, I'll have zero time the next few days to reflect on the gratifying weekend I had without facing some negative consequences.  Mix that with the miserable weather we've been having and I'm currently a grumpy soul.  Luckily I have a little reminder who gives me hourly kicks as if to yell, "Stay calm and relaxed... it's going to be just fine."  This little girl might just teach me to cope with my catastrophizing ways.

Until my pace slows down, here's what I wish I could be doing in this weather.  Which is saying alot because people who know me know that I tend to melt in the rain.  However, Haleigh of Making Magique just makes it look so pleasant and necessary.  Having a glamorous afternoon on a dreary day just may need to be added to my list.

Unnamed from Bardot Blue on Vimeo.

.People.

via



People can be so frustrating sometimes. 

You get in an argument with your significant other,

People at work seem to do everything to make the day more difficult,

You feel undervalued and overworked by your boss,

People around you complain incessantly about the most trivial things,

Someone cuts you off in traffic,

A stranger is rude to you for no reason,

and now your friend just canceled plans last minute.

At times when I feel that everyone around me must be in on the joke that I'm not a part of (you know... when you ask yourself, "Is this real life?"), I think back to a passage in a book by Albert Bernstein that I read for work...

"The truth about the human condition- you can never know what is really going on, because there is no such thing as an objective source. People will see the same events differently, according to their own needs."

Then I feel better.

I'm reminded that people do not choose their behaviors solely on how it will affect me.  We are all just living this life as best we can, and sometimes... we just get in each others' way a little.

.Highlights.

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

My weekend highlights:

. Finding comfort in something familiar and simple like baking, on a day when everything seemed unsure.

.Meeting and learning from one of my heroes in the field of Counseling, Dr. William Glasser (the founder of Reality Therapy & Choice Theory).

. Watching Auburn beat Clemson in a nail-biting game with friends.

. Enjoying the fruits of this extended summer with a new recipe for a refreshing drink from a friend. 

. Procrastinating on homework with G's new toy, his Ipod Touch that has way too many entertaining features.

.My Favorite Word.

via

Resilience

re·sil·ience (r -z l y ns)

noun

The ability to withstand or uphold under challenging conditions

The ability to bounce back to homeostasis after a disruption

Using challenges for growth that makes future hardships more tolerable

.Constellations.

It was just another night

With a sunset

And a moonrise not so far behind

To give us just enough light

To lay down underneath the stars

Listen to papa's translations

Of the stories across the sky

We drew our own constellations

The west winds often last too long

The wind may calm down

Nothing ever feels the same

Sheltered under the Kamani tree

Waiting for the passing rain

Clouds keep moving to uncover the scene

Stars above us chasing the day away

To find the stories that we sometimes need

Listen close enough

All else fades

Fades away

.Jack Johnson.

via

The week of work after a vacation is always rough.  I work as a therapist and while I find my job incredibly fulfilling, it sometimes can make me feel like a really small, insignificant part of an enormous machine.  Yesterday was the first time I nearly cried at work and had to close my office door and just remember to breathe. 

Something I tell my clients when they're feeling distressed is to picture being safe; what does it look like when you're safe?  My picture constantly changes but yesterday I thought of Vermont.  After the wedding reception was over, G and I layed on a hammock and just stared at the stars... amazed and in awe of the view.  The sky was so clear and overwhelming on that night; I felt so small and yet so safe and satisfied laying there with my love.  So, by remembering that it's not always bad to feel so small in a complicated and largely unknown world, I was able to appreciate where I am and 'wait for the passing rain because the clouds keep moving'.